This is my second post as part of the #TalkingPeriods
campaign, and today I’m going to be open and honest about how my period
blighted my teenage years and filled them with confusion, upset and anger. And
that’s just down to my mood swings alone!
This campaign is all about encouraging a positive attitude
towards our body’s natural functions, and sometimes that means talking about
the negative and turning it into a positive. It’s important to inspire others
to speak openly, and unashamedly about periods, and hopefully by sharing my
story I will enable those of you reading to do just that.
I started my period when I was ten years old, a relatively
young age compared to my peers. I was out riding my bike with my best friend at
the time, and in all honesty, when I felt that wet patch form I thought I’d
peed myself! Luckily, we were close to my house, and as soon as I got inside I
ran upstairs to the loo and saw my pants covered in blood. Even at that age, I
knew what periods were (I was very into my pre-teen magazines as a child) and
the women in my family pre-emptively started to prepare, purchasing me every
brand of sanitary pad known to womankind. I was prepared, but I certainly
wasn’t ready. As far as I was aware, I was the first girl in my class to start
her period, and I felt embarrassed that it had happened so soon, despite that
little miracle of life being very much out of my control.
Painful, heavy periods run in my family, and my period was
certainly no different. On one occasion, I fainted in primary school from the
pain, and woke up in the back of my teacher’s car with her and my mother
frantically trying to help me. I vividly remember another time where, I was
curled up on the bathroom floor screaming and crying with pain, drifting in and
out of consciousness, with my dad standing over me debating whether to call an
ambulance. At 13, my mother and I agreed that it would be best to go onto the
combined pill, to help with the pain and combat the awful acne I had because of
my period. I kept it to myself, however now, even at 20 years old, eyebrows
raise when I make that revelation - trust me, it was for my period.
However, the pill is not a miracle cure. I still suffer with
terrible cramps and awful PMS even after taking it, and it’s also left me
struggling to understand the difference between hormones and my own sense of
self. But I’ll touch more on that later.
As I got older, I also suffered from another, non-related
illness, and that combined with my period left me feeling unable to take part
in regular activities as a teen. P.E was a struggle because one week I wouldn’t
be able to take part due to my illness, the next week it would be my period. I
missed a lot of school due to painful cramps and feeling faint and unwell, and
as a result I did poorly in exams and my attendance plummeted. I couldn’t go
out because I didn’t feel well in the lead up to my period, and when my time of
the month eventually arrived. It left me feeling lonely, depressed and ashamed.
My PMS and mood swings were so serve, I became unbearable to be around for many
of my friends, and this isolation eventually spiralled into full-blown
depression and anxiety.
Consequently, my mood swings and PMS delayed my own mental
health diagnosis. My parents and doctors believed my feelings were down to my
period, and not due to anything mentally untoward. I began to question my own
feelings and brain, “Is it my pill? Are these feelings all inside my head? Am I
actually mentally ill or is it just down to my hormones?” Even to this day, I
still experience those feelings. Not every menstrual side-effect is physical.
Yes, I’ve had to deal with the fainting, vomited and terrible skin, but I’ve
also had to deal with self-doubt and I have struggled with differentiating
between negative PMS feelings and true mental health conditions. It’s tough,
and even with a clear diagnosis, I still struggle to cope.
Periods are different for everyone, and unfortunately, I’ve
had nothing but trouble and bad luck because of mine. Now that I’m older, I am
much more open about my time of the month and everything that comes with it.
That can only be a good thing, right? I
know I’m not the only person who has had a difficult time because of their
period, and I hope by sharing my story it will encourage others to do the same.
You are not alone in this, and although periods can be a terrible experience
altogether, there are so many positives that have come from them. I know I’m
definitely not pregnant, and my pill helps regulate when my period will arrive,
so I have time to prepare. My PMS and confusion surrounding my hormones allowed
me to be open and honest with my family, friends and doctors, which helped me
get a proper mental health diagnosis. I may feel really crappy when I’m on my
period, but I have lots of wonderful people around me and self-care activities
that keep me distracted.
If I could go back and reassure my ten-year-old self that
everything will be okay, I would. But sadly, I don’t have a magic time machine
to do that, so instead I hope I can reassure all of you. Periods are nothing to
be afraid or ashamed of, and although mine gave me hell throughout my teenage
years, I’m ready to fight it and take on the world every time it arrives again.
I hope you will be able to do the same.
Thank you so much for reading, and once again, a huge big
thank you to TOTM for allowing me to be a part of the #TalkingPeriods campaign.
Rachel x
- September 30, 2017
- 4 Comments
